Getting Shit Sorted Like A Motherf**king Adult! Apart From the Big, Main Thing…

Since moving, I have done so much self-improvement in the hopes that it would land me a job that it actually sort of scares me how freakishly enthusiastic I’ve been. I have been continuously brushed off by the retail industry – apparently five fucking years of customer service experience isn’t enough to get a retail job up here – so I have set about opening up the hospitality industry to myself in the hopes that I can find work there.

Over the past couple of months, I have:

  • Done an RSA. I am now a certified bar monkey, and I don’t even like booze.
  • Did courses in wine knowledge, cocktail knowledge and beer knowledge. Because I didn’t know shit about any of them.
  • Done three barista courses. I am now a certified coffee monkey and I don’t even like coffee (that much… the iced stuff is wonderful…)
  • Did some crap about safe food handling. Basically, it was a forty-slide PowerPoint presentation reiterating the one, all-powerful point: wash your goddamned hands!
  • I started to learn to drive again. Only took me eight fucking years to get that one sorted…

All these things were alright – I rather enjoyed the barista courses, even if milk is a bitch to steam right – but at the end of it all, I only have two volunteer positions to show for it. I don’t mind the volunteer stuff – any experience is great, after all. One is for a not-for-profit indie magazine in the city where I’ll be writing about theatre, culture and the arts (which won’t start until after New Years, but I’m really looking forward to it nonetheless), and the other is a volunteer bar-tender at an outdoor, rooftop movie theatre, which has been pretty fun! But I’d really like something that… you know, paid me to be there!

In other news, I’ve been accepted to university next year to study creative writing, and I’m toying with adding a second major. I never would have thought that the prospect of further education would make me so ridiculously happy, but it has – I’ve been waiting to go to uni for years. Now all I need is a paying job, my own place, a car and some friends. Shouldn’t be too hard, right? Right?


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