I will preface this post with a big, fat spoiler warning, on the off chance that you have been living under a rock and have yet to watch season four of ‘Game of Thrones’ but still plan to. I might end up giving away secrets best maintained until you have watched.
You know what’s annoying? Watching ‘Games of Thrones’ with your mother. You know what’s even worse? When your father decides he wants in on the action. More annoying again? Your father is an even bigger and more obsessive fan of the show that you ever could have imagined he would be.
My father never really paid much attention when my mum and I sat down to watch ‘Game of Thrones’ before. He would typically disappear onto his laptop for an hour, then come back to reclaim the TV when my mum and I were usually too shocked by every episodes’ stupid climactic finishes to stop him. It changed this year when dad acquired an iPad, and didn’t have to leave the vicinity of the couch if he wanted to web-surf; he would do it right there, in front of the TV, and believe me, it was awkward for the first couple of episodes of season four where lots of sex scenes and general nudity abounded, not to mention the loud and gratuitous moaning. Difficult enough to stand when my mum is sitting on the other side of the couch, downright unbearable with my dad there.
Anyway, one episode, I think it was about the third or the fourth, dad must have looked up for a moment and was awed by what he saw. The first episode he watched in full was on the following Monday; it was the episode where Joffrey was murdered. Among other things, I hate that that was the first episode he watched; I really think you need the previous seasons (or even the books) as lead-in to properly appreciate that moment. From then on, it was insane.
Mum and dad watched our copies of the previous seasons on DVD to properly catch him up on what had been happening while still watching season four, and from then on it wouldn’t fucking stop.
It was all “who’s that?” “who are they affiliated with?” “what did they do?” “why does he hate that other guy so much?” “is ‘Littlefinger’ a name or a nickname?” “why did it take them so long to kill that bastard?” “who’s the blonde girl and why does she have the dragons?”
Pretty soon it was all “SHUT THE FUCK UP, DAD, I CAN’T HEAR *insert chatty low-talker here* MONOLOGUE!”
Then he had a map of characters and how they were intertwined and the Wikipedia page which listed all the characters in front of him. I can’t even begin to describe my irritation whenever a character would introduce themselves only for dad to duck back down to the iPad to verify their story himself. It took everything in me not to blurt out book spoilers. The second last episode of season four (where the Wall was attacked by the Wildlings), mum and I got a character by character rundown of every character who died, as the episode rolled on.
Now that the series has wrapped, he’s still not done; he still won’t shut up about it. The other day, we watched an episode of ‘Hoarders’ that had a little person in it; dad immediately called her ‘The Imp’ and laughed his arse off. I’m asked quite frequently when the next season will be on, when the season four DVD is going to come out. Sometimes I’m treated to facts about the actors’ who portray the characters; did you know the guy who played The Mountain in this season is a 6’9″ Strong Man from Iceland? Did you know that neither Lena Headey or Emilia Clarke are actually blonde? And, fuck, more information that I couldn’t care less about for the guy who plays Hordor. Not to mention he swans about actually calling it GoT.
Yeah, alright, the show is really good, but this level of attentiveness from a bloke who’s 54 this year and only started watching the show about 2 months ago is just plain annoying. Especially when you’re the one boring the brunt of it.
Mum wants him to watch ‘Breaking Bad’ next. I don’t know how that’s going to go…